Honoring My Bladder...And Other Ways I Love Myself






Ever since stumbling upon Annapurna Living a few months ago, I've been
absolutely captivated and in awe of the reverence and sacredness with
which the contributing women care for themselves.


I've been inspired to carve out more tiny moments in which to show myself
love, since the bigger moments such as a yoga class, a massage, a
fresh hair-do, a trip to the farmers market, don't always happen,
even when scheduled. Being the wife of a firefighter and mom to two
littles means always planning on being a single parent, but planning
loosely enough to weave Daddy seamlessly in, should he come home.

I've always been a doer and multi-tasker (although my homebody, highly
sensitive son has slowed me way down), but I hadn't realized to just
what degree until I started to look for those tiny moments with which
to honor myself.

I almost laughed aloud standing in the kitchen when I realized I had to
pee, and that I was going to love myself,
darn it, and actually give myself permission to go right then and there, rather than first pouring the milk in the cereal and filling the teapot with water and putting it on the stove so that the water will be hot by the time I return from the bathroom.

Nope. 

The child and the teapot could both wait 3 minutes.

I can't remember the last time I actually went to the bathroom the minute my body recognized the urge. I'm pretty sure it was 8 years ago while pregnant with my first child.

That bathroom trip was life-changing. It all evolved from there:

Sip my coffee while packing lunches and waiting on hold with a medical billing company and mentally making my to-do list while helping my toddler search for her purple polka-dot pants? 

Nope.

I will show myself love by sitting down at the kitchen table with that coffee for 5 minutes, pen and pad of paper in front of me to write down my to-do list, so that I can then focus on getting the kids ready for their days. My toddler can understand that I will help her search in 5 minutes, and can get some snuggle time in
sitting on my lap doodling...and my phone calls can certainly wait until later.

Wear my older undies with my everyday clothes to "save" my new, luxurious ones for a special occasion?

Nope. 

will show myself love by wearing those slinky gorgeous new ones my husband got me for Christmas, even if it is under my old yoga pants on a Tuesday morning.

Absentmindedly look up from composing an important email and nod/smile/comment every 6 seconds when I hear "look, Mommy"?

Nope. 

 I will show myself love by telling my sweet children that I would love to see their amazing handstand/picture/silly face in exactly 7 minutes when I am done with my work. They can practice being patient, will have my undivided attention, and I will be free of the guilt of not being present with them.

Answer the "Mommy, where are my pink birthday shoes?" and "Mommy,
when will you be done?" and "Mommy, can the neighbor come in to play?" questions through the bathroom door (yes, in the bathroom again)?

Nope. 

I will show myself love by announcing I'm going to the bathroom and want my privacy, and then ignoring any wails or questions or little fingers under the door until I emerge. They can practice their respect for privacy. 

Pick up the puzzle pieces and start a load of laundry and get a jump on
tidying the kitchen before starting dinner while the kids are out in the yard with Daddy for a few minutes?

Nope. 

I will show myself love by plopping down on the couch with that book I've been meaning to start since last year...maybe with a glass of wine. It'll never get read if I wait for a spare hour, the kitchen cleaning can wait until after dinner's mess anyway, and the whole family can help to pick up the house later. 

Use the getting-dull-but-could-be-used-one-more-time razor in the shower?

Nope. 

I will show myself love by pulling out a brand-new razor and appreciating the smooth, new glide. I deserve it.

My days have transformed from ordinary and rushed to bursting with twinkling little treasures...tiny little treasures that only I can see, but that alter my mood and state of mind tremendously, and hence that of my family.

Microscopic shifts in the minutest of daily decisions to remind me that I don't
need to wait for others' gifts or big moments...I am worthy of giving and receiving unto myself.


Love + light ~

Kim


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